What Makes a True Relationship?

In today’s society it seems that we live in a “throw away culture”. If we don’t like a friend we just de-friend them on Facebook. If we don’t like a relationship, we can go online and go find a new one or ignore them for days. But, is this really the way we are meant to be? Have we deeply departed from the true essence of who we are supposed to be? These have all been questions in my mind.

Its true for the mind or as some say “the ego”, society views that all relationships are ultimately for our enjoyment. But this is not what God intended. How could it be?

What I mean by enjoyment is that society sees them as existing for our entertainment, pleasure and providing an escape from the world. For the Ego, a relationship becomes an escape where it gets to hide and not see itself. Instead we see our partner as an escape and idealize them. However, I wonder how people would feel if the true essence of a relationship was to add depth to each persons character, challenge, growth and a more deeper life and a closer relationship with God. Is that why we are all running? What are we running from? That mirror that is ourselves?

Its interesting but our true souls know to look at relationships as lessons for growth rather than pleasure only like the ego. Relationships challenge us to change ourselves, take responsibility and get to know ourselves. As we come in contact with another human being, we come in greater contact with our true selves and come to know as we are.

In deeper relationships, it helps us discover more clearly who we really are, and who another really is, and to do this together with compassion. Also, the ability to give to each is fulfilling as one is truly fulfilling their own spiritual needs in the relationship. What I mean is one is not merely “giving” to “get”. Rather we begin to realize that it feels good to give. But, remember that we cannot give what we do not have. Thus giving of oneself for a soulful person is like exhaling and just as necessary. Also, the other person becomes unique and allows us to grow.

What is challenging is that this clearly is not what the Ego wants. Its “only me” rather than “we approach” to life is called into question as it has to deal with extreme impulsivity, emotionality, reactivity, maladaptive patterns, and past (especially past hurts and wounds and shame). It doesn’t want any of this. Thus why the ego treats people expendably. As soon as it starts to get discovered in one place and seen for what it is—as soon as the flow of effortless gratification in a relationship dries up in one place—it jumps ship to go off to another place and another new someone and play its game of hide and take again with someone new. **

So what do we do when we start having doubts, thoughts or triggers in our relationships?

It has been said that “the truth will set you free.” But, how do we know what the truth is? When our loved ones say something that hurts us-are they meaning it or is it coming from their own past? These are the questions I found that have helped me with my relationships and to sort out what the truth is and what are lies. I always know that I am not thinking right when I start feeling bad.

Once I start feeling uneasy then I analyze what I just was thinking. After writing down the thought, underneath it I write out where I first hear this thought said, or where it might be from.

Then after I re-write the thought…like “I am choosing to look at X or Y differently” or “I am choosing to look at this situation differently” and “I am not a victim of the world I see” or “These thoughts are attack thoughts on my mind.” Then if I am still hurting from the other person I then “send them Love and Light” and tell my inner child that they are just going from their past and what they have learned on this planet. **

Although all of this is a practice it has helped me tremendously to move through fear and have more love in life.

Many blessings for your journey ahead

Heather Levine

**Except taken from http://realtruelove.wordpress.com/2012/06/20/the-ego-versus-the-soul-in-relationships/ **Course in Miracles